Sheer joy of parenting

 What the writer and his wife love about being parents is that their children have enhanced their lives in so many ways

To the writer and his wife, parenthood is their greatest achievement although they have experienced difficult trials along the way.

FINANCIAL reasons is the normal excuse given by some who are not willing to have children. This is shocking.

Sure, having kids will affect our budget but that should not be the reason for not having children, or at least one child. To those who do not want to have children, I have reasons to change your mind.

When my wife, who was then earning as much as I did, decided to forego her job as a bank officer and concentrate on being a mother, it was our decision to prioritise our children’s upbringing rather than focus on our financial standing. We knew then that we really had to tighten our belts, but with careful planning, we survived.

Nothing else can produce the joy that parenthood offers. I can’t imagine going through life without feeling that spectrum of emotions. Feeling it all, good and bad, gives our lives as a married couple more purpose and challenges.

There is the pure joy of just watching our children be kids and reliving all those first moments when they discover how to do things on their own. Their smiles, giggles and pride in new accomplishments, even though some may be mischief in nature, were a sheer pleasure to watch.

As the sole income earner in the family, I could have had the worst day at work, but to come home and listen to our children, discuss their day with my wife, or to overhear them giggle while playing or watching television makes the worst day disappear.

I was 33 when I had my first kid. Though my first child wasn’t born normal, having children was such a life-altering experience. My wife and I were always looking for a purpose in our lives and when we had our children, we found it.

We love being parents. Seeing them do well in their studies and behaviour-wise, we know we are doing right thus far. That doesn’t mean we don’t have our share of mistakes but we are better persons for knowing our children and are very honoured to be their parents.

My wife and I love being parents because of the hugs, giggles and grins. When our kids are happy, so are we. As they grew, they amazed us every day with their new words, behaviour and discoveries. They have taught us to be more patient, more loving and much more appreciative of every moment we have together as a family.

Parenthood is a joy. Even while experiencing the hardest trials of our lives, we have learned to rise to all occasions. We’ve found ourselves lifted to new heights while stretching ourselves beyond our limits once we put it upon ourselves to guide them. With rarely a dull moment, we’ve experienced more adventures from parenting our children than we ever imagined.

Parenthood is our life, our passion and our greatest achievement. We also love watching our kids evolve into empathetic, kind human beings who can think for themselves, like spending their money thriftily and being involved in various school activities. You don’t realise the progress until far down the road but the wait is so worthwhile.

We don’t deny that parenthood is a hectic life filled with schedules, diaper changes, feedings, spendings and much more. There are so many things we love about being parents, but the one that stops us dead in our tracks is when each of our children turn to us and say, “Ayah Mi” (referring to me) and “Mak” (referring to my wife).

We love the fact that when our children were growing up to be adults, we were beside them every step of the way, teaching, helping, moulding and loving them.

Life may be great for those who do not want to have children but life will be even better once they have been blessed to become parents.

What we love about being parents is that our children have enhanced our lives in so many ways. We are a better husband, a better wife, better employees, neighbours, relatives and friends. We would rather have our worst days with our kids than to have our best days without them.

By DR ARZMI YAACOB

Promoting women entrepreneurs; mind your finances

Do we need specific initiatives to help female entrepreneurs? Some say no, because men and women face similar obstacles in business. However, there can be no denying that women face challenges not experienced by their male counterparts.

LAST May, the SME Association of Malaysia organised a talk on women entrepreneurship at its regular SME Club get-together. We were worried that the topic would not be interesting, but to our surprise, the event was well received.

About a hundred people participated in the talk.

When we told the SMEs that we were going to have a talk on women entrepreneurship, some of them asked: Why talk about women entrepreneurship? Does it matter? Why bother?

After all, business is a men’s world. The place for women is at home.

Others said there was no need to differentiate women entrepreneurs from entrepreneurs in general, as many of the barriers faced by female-owned SMEs were similar to those faced by male-owned SMEs.

To this, I would say: Yes and no.

While male and female entrepreneurs may face similar constraints in general, women face specific barriers and challenges not experienced by their counterparts.

While women make up about 50% of Malaysia’s population, less than 20% of the SMEs are owned by women. Even though the number for women entrepreneurs is small, it’s nonetheless encouraging as it shows that women no longer buy the stereotype of business being a male domain.

There are several key reasons for women to get into business. Running your own business provides flexibility in managing career and domestic responsibilities.

Also, it gives some degree of personal freedom to women who are dissatisfied with “fixed” employment. Job flexibility, like work hours, office location, environment, and the people they work with, is appealing to many women.

Other reasons for women to start a business include income security and career satisfaction. Some women become entrepreneurs due to some personal circumstances, like being laid off, divorce, or the retirement of their spouse. They start a business to improve or maintain their social or economic status.

Some women who do not have any previous work skills or experience start a business in order to prove that they can be productive and useful.

The majority of women-owned businesses are smaller outifts than those owned by men, and they are mostly concentrated in the service sector (about 90%). Many of these businesses are likely to be unregistered micro-enterprises operating in the home or on temporary premises, with few employees and limited capital for expansion.

Access to financing is one of the biggest challenges. They are less aware of the options relating to loan and grant opportunities. In addition, women usually lack the collateral required compared to men, stemming in part from restrictions on asset ownership.

Women entrepreneurs are also less likely than their male counterparts to have a history of interaction with formal financial systems, lowering their credit-worthiness and potentially raising interest rates on loans assumed.

They also encounter obstacles in accessing opportunities to acquire knowledge and skills that underpin successful entrepreneurship. This may be due to impediments in access to education, training and job experience. These are usually compounded by the demands of domestic responsibilities.

Time constraints further limit women entrepreneurs’ formal networking, which, in turn reduce access to skill and capacity-development opportunities. Formal networks, such as business associations, provide a wealth of information on business opportunities, access to government officials, grants and support programmes, as well as credit credentials and access to loan packages, to name a few.

Good networks provide good access to information and resources. First-hand information allows entrepreneurs to move one step ahead and grab the opportunities. A good pool of resources would help entrepreneurs to survive in bad times and to expand more effectively.

The Government needs to take a proactive role in promoting women entrepreneurs. We need to put in place gender-responsive policies and capacity-building initiatives to address the structural, institutional and socio-cultural inequalities.

It would perhaps be best to start by enhancing their access to finance, which is essential in building a good business foundation.

By Datuk Michael Kang who is the national president of the SME Association of Malaysia.

Mind your finances

Up to 36 of business failures are caused by inadequate financial management, according to a report by the ACCA. —123rf.com

IN GENERAL, more than 50% of startups fail within five years, and up to 36% of business failures are caused by inadequate financial management, according to a report by the Association of Chartered Certified Accountants (ACCA) entitled “Financial management and business success - a guide for entrepreneurs”.

The report says many entrepreneurs are not equipped to make informed and effective decisions about their financial resources.

“Having the right financial capabilities remains vital throughout the life of a business, whether you are just starting out, have an established business or are looking towards a final exit from a firm,” explains Rosana Mirkovic, ACCA’s head of SME policy.

“Businesses are changing and innovating more rapidly than ever, and the financial management needs of organisations must continue to evolve alongside their developments. Recognising the right financial management capabilities is therefore imperative to their success,” she explains.

Mirkovic adds that understanding financial information is vital for offsetting the risk of business failures as it reveals the early warning signs of impending problems.

The report by ACCA addresses the financial literacy skills gap, potentially serving as a guide to those starting their own businesses and are new to financial management.

Business planning plays a critical role at every stage of the business, says the report.

“Preparing a business plan pushes you to identify and assess the opportunities and threats facing your business. It helps ensure that you have an in-depth understanding of your market, the competition and the broader business environment,” it elaborates.

Effective planning takes into account long-term goals, objectives, strategy, tactics and financial review.

ACCA also advises startups to seek good financial advice and involve their accountants or individuals with financial expertise at the planning stage to take full advantage of their expertise in areas such as business planning, raising business finance, tax planning and setting up financial management systems.

Significant financial expertise may be needed to understand and evaluate the different financial options entrepreneurs may have. This includes knowing the company’s financial strength, financing cost, financial flexibility, business control, financial risk, personal finances and business strategy.

“Good financial control offers far more than just keeping track of purchases and sales. Rather than approach financial control as a chore to be left to the bookkeeper, your aim should be to see how the right capabilities can improve your business,” the report advises.

ACCA notes that business owners should gradually develop the capabilities of their in-house financial team.

“Choosing the right solution for your particular business takes careful planning. Your overall investment in financial capabilities — whether you are paying for additional employees, higher salaries for more skilled employees, training costs, use of external providers or upgraded systems — must be affordable and offer value for money,” it adds.

But financial management is at its most powerful when used to drive improvements in business.

Moreover, for many entrepreneurs, it could also lead to a successful business exit. Preparation for a successful exit typically begins far in advance of its final date.

Effective exit planning needs to start early and take into account a whole range of issues like timing, succession, management systems and tax efficiency.

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Shy boys given rooms to grow as they are lagging girls

 

Schoolboys do relaxation exercises in an all boys class at the government-run Shanghai Number Eight High School. Shanghai, whose school system produces the world's top test-scorers, has launched China's first all-boys high school program with an eye on elite overseas institutions like Eton. Source: AFP

SHANGHAI: Teenage boys in a Shanghai school are on the front line of teaching reform after the world's top-scoring education system introduced male-only classes over worries they are lagging girls.

Rows of white-shirted boys are put through their paces as they are called up individually to complete a chemical formula by teacher Shen Huimin, who hopes that a switch to male-only classes will help them overcome their reticence.

"We give boys a chance to change," she said.

The Shanghai school system topped the Organisation for Economic Co-Operation and Development's (OECD) worldwide assessment tests of 15-year-olds in 2009, the most recent available, ahead of Korea, Finland, Hong Kong and Singapore.

But even so officials are concerned that some male students may be slower than their female counterparts in development and certain academic areas, such as language, and the shift towards single sex classes aims to boost boys' confidence.

Girls do better than boys in secondary school across the developed world, an OECD report found.

A prominent Chinese educator, Sun Yunxiao, found the proportion of boys classed among the top scholars in the country's "gaokao" university entrance exams plunged from 66.2 percent to 39.7 percent between 1999 and 2008.

Across the developed world, girls do better than boys in secondary school, the OECD's Programme for International Student Assessment (PISA) found in a 2009 report on the educational performances of 15-year-olds.

"There are significant gender differences in educational outcomes," it said, adding that high school graduation rates across the OECD were 87 percent for girls but only 79 percent for boys.

In response, Shanghai's elite Number Eight High School is halfway through the initial year of an experiment, putting 60 boys into two classes of their own - a quarter of its first-year students - and teaching them with a special curriculum.

Schoolboys solve a math problem in an all boys class at the government-run Shanghai Number Eight High School in Shanghai.

 "This is a big breakthrough," said principal Lu Qisheng. "There's lots of hope - hope that boys will grow up better.

"Boys when they are young do not spend enough time studying," he explained. "Boys' maturity, especially for language and showing self-control, lags behind girls."

-- "We lack confidence" -

China shut most same-sex schools after the Communist Party came to power in 1949, and the only all-boys junior high schools in the country are privately run.

The number of male students scoring top marks in China's university entrance exams has plunged from 66 per cent to 49 per cent

Shanghai does have an all-girls state-run high school, the former McTyeire School for Girls, which marked its 120th anniversary last year and counts the three Soong sisters - Qing-ling, Ai-ling and Mei-ling - among its former pupils.

Between them they married two leaders and an industrialist. Qing-ling married Sun Yat-sen, the first President of the Republic of China, while Mei-ling wed Chiang Kai-shek, who would also later become president.

Student Li Zhongyang, 15, said he felt less shy about answering questions in his all-boys class, but drew hoots of laughter from his fellows by suggesting an absence of girls let them concentrate more on study.

"We lack confidence," he said. "The teachers like girls, who answer more questions in class. This programme lets us realise we are not worse than girls."

It is something of a contrast to males' traditionally dominant roles in Chinese culture, but principal Lu said the programme "doesn't have much relationship to equality in society".

The scheme was launched after China's government called for more "diversification" in educational choices within the state system.

A Peking University professor has called for an even bolder reform, suggesting in September that boys should start school one or two years later than girls.

"The Chinese education system needs to improve and allow various education methods," Wu Bihu said on his microblog. Now Lu hopes to create China's first all-boys school one day.

"Ten or twenty years ago, there was no need for an all-boys class - just put everyone together," he said.

In an increasingly aspirational society, he added, some families saw the new programme as having connotations of top overseas private schools, and so promising an advantage in the highly competitive gaokao.

"The parents know: England has Eton," he said. - AFP

Pretty squashed egos

PGS stands for the Pretty Girl Syndrome, which some beautiful girls suffer from. Not all beautiful females suffer from this syndrome but I’m sure most guys have met our fair share of women who suffer from some form of PGS.

ONE theory that I’ve always promoted to my friends is my PGS theory. Please don’t get me wrong. I am not a Vietnam War veteran, and I have not experienced life to its fullest but let’s just say I have some stories to share.

PGS stands for the Pretty Girl Syndrome, which some beautiful girls suffer from - these girls think that “if I’m pretty, then I usually can have my way, or get out of trouble or tilt the scales in my favour”.


The symptoms obviously are - being extremely attractive, used to getting their way all the time, dislike the word “NO”, and are used to people dancing to their every whim and fancy.  They also have an ego the size of Texas, but act as if they are as humble as Mother Teresa. Sounds familiar?

I am sure many decent gentlemen have been fooled and given the run around by members of the PGS club, and I am also certain there are many girls who have been passed up for promotion or lost career opportunities because the boss chose the more attractive candidate.

I am sure you are expecting me to say, “What goes around comes around” and tell a nice story that will make one feel good or even vindicated.

Sorry folks, not today. Today, I am going to tell you that God has a funny way of teaching people humility and respect. Recently, I had the privilege of being the television host for the Miss Universe Malaysia 2010 contest. My job was to conduct pre and post audition interviews for each contestant.

The selection process was quite straightforward – walk in, fill in some personal details, answer some basic mini essay questions and impress a panel of four judges with her winning personality.

However, the final part was the most challenging, as each girl need to face the judges - comprising actor Hans Isaac, radio man Phat Phabes, 2004 Winner and National Director Andrea Fonseka and Julia Dolmotova, a Russian-born professional who has substantial experience in beauty brand marketing.

All judges were looking for candidates who were attractive, had a pleasant personality, good communication skills, intelligence and the X-Factor.

The word X-Factor sounds ex­­­tremely grey but in the entertainment world, it is about having the ability to turn heads and capture an audience. The judges’ job was to look for that big X-Factor which I am sure many of the girls thought they had.

Prior to the individual auditions, I asked many of the candidates what their main strengths were. Some of the over-confident girls answered, “I am confident, beautiful and humble. I have just what it takes.”

When I probed further and asked if that could be misconstrued as “slightly arrogant”, most of the responses was a very confident “No”.

I think they forgot what the word humble means.  In those moments, I wanted to place a PGS tag around their necks to give the judges a bit of a heads-up on what to expect.

But a colleague quickly whispered in my ear, “Just you watch, they have no idea that they are about to enter the lion’s den”.

In this type of situation, warriors fight and prove their worth, or get eaten alive. She will get eaten, but which lion will bite the hardest? The judges tore these girls apart. It was not done using the Simon Cowell method but rather the honest truth.

Hans, Phabes and Andrea used a more diplomatic approach but Julia was more direct. “NO, you don’t have it, you should do something else. You are not ready; you are not beauty queen material.” Talk about reality check.

The judges also said that some of them did not get shortlisted because they did not respect the com­petition. According to the judges, some of the girls did not come prepared, looked like they had just come from a nightclub and had the mentality that looks alone could get them through.

One judge stressed, “We are looking for a beautiful, ambitious, well-informed lady who carries herself well. That is what people sometimes forget.”

To sum it up, they are looking for someone who has class and poise. This goes to show that while there are many beautiful women in the land of Malaysia, classy women do not grow on trees.

Let this be a reminder to us all that looks can only get you so far. It can open doors but you also need skills and knowledge to keep the door open. If not, you will just be known as a “dumb blonde”, a tag which is very hard to shake off.

I am always reminded about what my friend once told her young and beautiful sister.  Her ‘big sister’ advice was that, “Even though God gave you a huge advantage with good looks, if that is all people remember you for, then you are easily forgotten.”

This friend stressed to her sister, “If you have the looks, then make sure you have the brains to go with it.” Girls who have PGS start their day by singing the song, “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?”

Well, I suggest they change their tune to, “Mirror, mirror on the wall, do I have the skills to do it all?”
And if I were the mirror, I would answer, “No, but please do something about it!”

A DIFFERENT SPIN
BY BEN IBRAHIM

> Ben Ibrahim is a TV host, MC and writer. He has hosted shows ranging from The Breakfast Show to the 2008 Olympic Games. For more information about Ben, log on to www.benibrahim.com